I.M.NOT.O.K (to be quite honest)
2016 has not been too kind to me. I hate to say it, but it sucks
Deciding that changing the course of my life would’ve been the best idea, it has turned out to be the worst idea I have ever had.
I’m chasing a dream of leaving retail and transitioning into a new career path, and so far, its only left me depressed and worn out, which has made me sad, which makes me lethargic, which makes me exhausted, which makes me grouchy and finally, it makes me angry. I then lash out at people, either through agressive reactions, or passive aggressive jabs at a person’s intelligence, apparent lameness or perceived lack of utility for my current situation, and my mind has crossed into a few dark paths that I’d rather not get into right now. The few people who have been brave (or stupid) enough to stick around have been burned out and just as exhausted. This, combined with my erratic schedule, has been leaving me feel isolated and alone, not exactly a good way to deal with this stuff
I’ve also been eating like crazy, also derailing my plans to get back into shape to help find a partner. As you can see, this was an unintended consequence of an unintended holistic approach to changing my life.
If you were to ask me how I am doing, I will be honest, I am not okay.
I’m frustrated, by the pace, by the amount of times I have to repeat everything while it seems that everyone I know gets it on the first try. It just seems like I should’ve known this shit by now.
I’m gonna catch flack from this from the guys, we’re not supposed to crack like this, we’re not supposed to express our frustrations and anxieties from life. I know a few of you will call me out for this, go for it. At this point, there’s not much that can be said that I haven’t already heard from others.
In any case, I just needed to get this out. The cathartic release was needed.
Next time you ask me how I am doing, I will be honest, I hope the answer doesn’t scare you!