Alexander Q: The most successful failure in the world

A gay man's quest for successful weight loss, a fullfilling love life and professional validation that opens doors, brings down mountains and summons the full fury of Olympus upon the world…all before 2

Month: June, 2015

Someday, I’ll never see you again

Someday, I’ll never see you again
An obvious truth that unites us all
Through life, love, infinte other ways
Our time will come to an end someday

In spite of our ephemeral existence
And surprisingly fragile bodies
We eventually will cease to be
You and I becomes just me.

Intertwining roads must drift apart
For they can’t all lead to the same place
Farther, and farther, and farther we go
Without you I must go there alone

Right now I choose to be with you
I’ll hold nothing back, giving you all I can
A sip of something, a bite to eat
Communal laughter, a walk on the street

Whenever it comes, our last goodbye
There’ll be no tears shed, nor regrets said
I’ll hold you close until you leave
Time well spent, less time to grieve

My admonition to you is this
You will lose the ones you love someday
You, dear reader, are in charge of it all
How you spend it, it’s your call.

Worth the effort…Part 2

A part two was not planned, but it sorta happened in my head. I was driving by an office I once shared with a few people a few years back, some of them I am good friends with and others I haven’t seen in so long. I remember one of the guys had a problem with women, he had way to many of them on the side. I remember catching up to him once online and we talked for hours, it was a pretty deep convo and it was one of my favorite moments with this guy. We talked about how, at some point, he’s going to pick one and one only to spend the rest of his life with. While sleep deprived, I shared with him my personal belief on time and money since he mentioned he spent a lot of money on these women.

“Time and money are not the same thing. You can always get your money back someday, but your lost time is lost forever.”

I asked him some pretty tough questions about why these girls mattered to him, we went over every excruciating detail over every single woman he was seeing. Of course, due to exhaustion and other factors, I was unable to figure out or ascertain what the end result was, but I hoped he found everything helpful. My hope was that he realized that money is not the issue (he came from a well off background), but that his time was the same as everyone else’s, subject to be lost every second. He had to decide for himself who was worth the time he has left on planet Earth.

All in all, when you’re pursuing relationships of any kind, you must ask yourself who is worth the time you have left on this Earth? You must also ask if they are enriching your life in any way, shape or form and adding value to it in a meaningful way. I can’t describe to you how to tell because you already know what it is for you, a feeling for many people. I know some people measure the worth of their relationships in material gain such as gifts, money, etc. but those people often don’t realize that things can be replaced, destroyed, stolen or otherwise removed from ones possession. I’m all about those times I spend with friends at restaurants, clubs, car rides, IKEA, anywhere we can enjoy each other’s company. I like the idea my friends have demonstrated to me that I am worth a very valuable resource to them, and I reciprocate fully.

What do you think? Share with your friends and comment below please.

Worth the effort

I’ve thought about this for a long time now, why do we want people who don’t want us? We seem to pine for the one who barely knows we’re there, yet the one whose ready to welcome us with open arms gets ignored every time. I’ve been on both sides of the fence, and from experience, its that everybody in this world wants to be fought for, to have someone come and “rescue” them from loneliness, or something like that. No one wants to be the $1 cheeseburger at a fast food place, but rather the carnitas bowl from Chipotle when Chipotle was going through that weird “no carnitas” available thing. Some people, either by birth, sheer determination or a plain lack of moral reprehension and/or self respect can achieve the status of being wanted, but unattainable. The rest of us serfs have to make do with dating.

In the gay world, there are many unspoken rules. You know how they say “dress for the job you want”? In the gay world, its “Dress for the boyfriend you want.”. Keep in mind, that a rule that involves clothing and shopping will certainly draw the attention of many (not all) gay men and that, with the many subsets of gay culture, it happens, either overtly or behind closed doors. Dressing also includes things like workout routines, hair stylist appointments, body modification sessions and pretty much everything under the sun to make ourselves be an extension of some anonymous stranger we have yet to meet but are ready to fall in love with.

A long time ago, I was told on some gay forum that fat men didn’t deserve men who “took care of themselves” mainly because if they had time to take care of themselves, they deserved a boyfriend. What that post insinuated in 19 year old me (an asshole btw) was that love and romance were something to be worked for at the gym, that unless you could commit to a diet an exercise routine that was draconian (by my gluttonus standards) to say the least, then no, Love was not for you. I confronted the poster online, who claimed that it wasn’t him that said it, but a friend (nice cop out dude). I held that stymied belief for years, but as time went on, I started to gain more perspective; yes, love is effort. It’s not something so shallow as gym time or grooming time (although they can be important to some) it takes hard work, dedication and the belief that two people will make it work, somehow. There are constants and variables that, as a couple, they will find out how it will test their feelings for each other.

By effort, I also mean putting yourself out there. Yeah, it sucks to go on 10 dates with 10 different people and blow all of them. But to look at it another way, you just went through 10 people to find 10 people who it didnt work out with, thats a lot farther than most people ever get, due to fear or prior commitments. I applaud those who go on many dates, they understand that it’s a numbers game. Granted, there might be some times where, what I call “preference settings” should kick in so you’re not wasting your time, but if you get out there, you’re bound to find someone that you can both be worth the effort for each other.