Welcome back folks. I am going to give blogging another go as I feel I’m at a place in my life where it warrants the need to do so. Here it goes
I was reading this article today and it brought back a lot of feelings for me, mostly negative, some positive, but overall it was a reminder of what some of my failures as a person. To be honest, I did not need to read the piece, I live it every day. Sillicon Valley is a place defined by those who can, and those who can’t. Those who can live a pretty good life, want is rarely a word used by them and they never seem to worry about where the next meal will come in or whether they will have a place to sleep at night. On the other side however, the struggle to keep going is exacerbated by the high cost of living and limited opportunities available to them. I’ll admit to being grateful and fortunate enough to have some opportunities in the former, while avoiding the destitution of the latter.
I have to admit that I am fully accountable for my actions and decisions as a person. However, I can’t help but run the post mortem analysis of what went wrong; did I choose the right major? Did I network with enough people? Did I network with the right people? Did I choose the right school? Did I really utilize everything I had at my disposal? I can’t help but wonder where did I go wrong professionally and if theres a chance for a 31 year old to start again.
In any case, its the here and now that matters most. Some days I want to tackle my problems head on, other days, I just want to crawl into my bedsheets and either cry or host my own Netflix marathon. I have to be honest, its not compeltely figured out what it is thats holding me back, but a lot of it has to do with Anxiety. A lot of friends and acquaintances of mine will tell me to just deal with it or “pull myself by the bootstraps”. Unfortunately, Anxiety isn’t as simple or easy as everyone else thinks it is; while I haven’t had a serious episode of an attack like my brothers have, it can still sabotage a perfectly good day at times. I have my coping mechanisms which work fine, but I also fear that someday, I may have to deal with a professional.
If you’ve ever had an experience of feeling lost, feeling fearful or having anxiety, please share with me if you’re feeling inclined. I’d love to hear about your experiences.
Thanks for reading.