Rejection sucks; and the worst part is, everyone will go through them at one point or another. In this entry, I am referring to the rejection with regards to relationships. As someone who has been rejected and turned down by so many guys in my life, I feel that I am more than qualified to teach everyone how to reject someone desiring something more out of you, but to make it clear, concise and direct.
1. Be comfortable with the idea that you are about to shatter someone’s world. You have your reasons for not pursuing a relationship with that particular person right now, whatever they are, they are valid to you. Understand that, even though you are about to lacerate their heart and kick their self esteem down, they will get over it.
2. Thank them for the compliment. If the person expresses their feelings for you in such a way to indicate that they want to take things to the next level, take it as a compliment. I mean, someone took the time and effort to tell you that you are one incredible person worth spending a huge amount of time and resources with. The very least you can do is thank them.
3. Be cordial and succinct. Here’s where you get to explain why you are not looking into a relationship with them. This may get a bit tricky, so here’s a good way to handle it.
No – Simply put, just say that you are not interested in a cordial and pleasant tone. Feel free to list the reasons, but do so at your own risk as the victim may attempt to try to change for you (believe me, as a rejectee, I fell for that one a couple of times). If you guys have some other relationship to each other which would make dating either logistically impossible, illegal or unethical, the other person should be made to understand that too.
Yes, but not right now. – Think long and hard on this one, this one is a bit hard to backtrack from, and once you say it, the damage can be done. Maybe you do want to give this person a chance, but now’s not the time due to time constraints, familial responsibilities, etc. Let them know that you’re cool with what you two have at the moment, and let them know you will take things as they come.
4. Stand your ground. The other person has had their heart shot at, don’t feel bad for them. This is all about growing up in this world, we may think that the person for us will realize that, but in the end, it may not be that way. Re-affirm that you’re flattered they wanted to take things to the next level with you. If they cry, offer them a tissue, if they get mad or angry, back away from them and give them some space, but whatever you do, do not give in to pity or sorrow.
Now, the other side of the coin, how to be rejected and still come out a winner.
1. Be Gracious. What do I mean by that anyways? I mean that, even though you have just been tossed aside, fight the temptation to be as emotional as possible either through fists or tears. Showing maturity and self control surprises people for some reason. Remember, they are just as nervous about turning you down as you are about being turned down by them (or maybe the heartless bitch wants you to suffer). Who knows, they may be open to the idea down the road, showing graciousness ensures that the door is closed, but not locked.
2. Pain is the cleanser Ever notice that after a major exercise session, you feel a bit of soreness for a few days, but it goes away and you feel much better? Love is a lot like that, we exercise our hearts to be as best as they can, but in order to be at their peak, they need to be beaten, broken down and torn apart, only to be rebuilt again. I’ve remembered being rejected by so many guys, but after getting the “thanks, but no thanks” replies, I realized that I became a bit stronger and wiser when I was out and about. I felt like crap for a few days afterwards, but after a week or so, I was back to my old self.
3. Know your worth If the rejection was based on some minor character flaw (it almost always is) focus on what makes you the greatest person ever, in your humble opinion. Whether it’s a skill, a cool trick or some hobbies that you have, you have some incredible things about you that someone else is going to experience. Even though you have been sucker-punched back into Singleton, one rejection cannot and should not define all of your life choices up unto this point. Maybe you guys are two trains going in opposite directions and that one person sees that while you don’t? Maybe you have a hygiene issue (a deal breaker for many, myself included) or maybe you’re just too fat for them (true story). Understand that you are a multifaceted individual that’s capable of making someone out there very happy, but it isn’t this person. I know its hard to do after a rejection, but try to find one thing to love about yourself, and if you have to, small, insignificant and silly things are great places to start
If you can find me someone who has never had their heart broken by anyone, I will show you someone who has never lived a day in their lives.
That’s all I have for now folks, feel free to comment and respond to this entry