Alexander Q: The most successful failure in the world

A gay man's quest for successful weight loss, a fullfilling love life and professional validation that opens doors, brings down mountains and summons the full fury of Olympus upon the world…all before 2

Month: May, 2013

The Big Idea – Out and about

ImageI’m a little late to the party when I post this, but the story is still making waves here and there on the interwebs. At the insistence of a friend who is very much into basketball, I have decided to put in my two cents on the Jason Collins coming out story, as well as my own thoughts on coming out.

We all know that Jason Collins has come out of the closet, making him one of the first male professional athletes to come out as gay. Of course, women have been coming out as lesbians in pro sports as far as anyone can remember, but in the grand scheme of things, women athletes don’t typically generate this much controversy (another blog entry for another time, I promise). Former pro athletes have also come out as gay, but only after their careers have ended and they are within the safe confines of retirement

Back to Jason Collins. Why this is so significant is that he came out during his career, not after. He has made the decision that he must be honest with his teammates, his managers, his fans and the world at large in an otherwise heterosexual male oriented sport that places pride on men being men. 

I’m not a big sports guy myself, but even I could tell you that his coming out would definitely make a few waves within and outside his circle. Within hours of his coming out, support as well as detractors Chris Boussard and Bubba Watson, from all over came to him. What he may or may not have known is that he started something; by the single, couragous act of coming out to a supposedly homophobic sport, he has made it clear that nothing will stop him from being true to himself.

I know the feeling of coming out myself, as back in 2002, I was forced to come out to my Stepdad. At the time, I was being stalked by some dude online who I had met at some High School event, he was playing gay (or maybe he was gay, but hadn’t come to terms with it yet), either way, the IM’s and texts were getting a bit out of hand. What made things even more complicated was that I had feelings for him too, but I was 18 and had no idea what feelings were and how to suppress them. I got scared and told my stepfather everything that was going on. a conservative Christan man part of the Promise Keepers and the men’s ministry at my church.

You would think that this is a recipe for disaster, but instead of being rebuked, I got an “its okay son”. Slowly, but surely, I came out to the rest of my family, brothers, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles. I received a lot of support from everyone in my family, even despite their protests about how I live my love life and such. In any case, I consider myself one of the lucky ones out there, and I think Mr. Miller does too. My stepdad, as well as the rest of my family, love me as I am, and have made no attempts to change anything about me. (on an unrelated note, my stepfather tragically passed away in 2005. Another blog entry, I promise on that one too)

Anyways, To those of you who are reading this and relating to this (I hope), coming out was a big deal for us no? It was the watershed moment in our life where we decided to take charge of who we are and how we live our lives. Do me a solid and remember that feeling forever, as many others have yet to experience it for themselves. Savor the freedom, the joy of having one huge weight lifted off of your shoulders

If you’re reading this and you consider yourself “in the closet”, I have something to say to you; it’s okay. I believe that people need to come out on their own time, like Ricky Martin for example. I won’t say that it is a inevitability that you may come out of the closet, but I do wish to remind you that there are groups out there who can help you sort everything out if and when you decide to take the leap

And for you heteros who have no idea what to do when someone comes out, start with a hug. A person who has come to terms with their Homosexuality needs to know that they are loved more than anything else at that time. Everything else they can figure out on their own, if you consider yourself a friend, you have an obligation to your friend to comfort and console them if they need it, and to congratulate them for saying those words they have longed to say.

In the off chance that he’s reading this, Mr Miller, to you, I leave a simple thank you to you and everything that you have done thus far.

To the rest of my readers, please sound off and let me know what you think 

and thanks for reading


Apologies folks, I’m still alive

Hey hey readers, I’m still alive and well. I’ve been thrown some interesting curve balls to say the least both professionally and personally. I assure you though, everything is A-Ok on my end.

I’m going to post another thought on some pressing matters late this week. Until then…

Relationship cycyle

We as human beings think things in finite terms, never putting faith in the possibility that things can always come back. Relationships are one thing people think have a begining and an end. For the most part, they do, however, I tend to think of things in cycles, sometimes people leave and sometimes they come back, and in both instances, its when they were supposed to.

Perhaps I am being a bit naive, but in my brief 29 years on planet Earth, I’ve known lives to intersect at different places, and usually, its for the best.

The Big Idea – What worries me the most

Back in 2005, I did lose a significant amount of weight. For some reason, however, I gained it all back. Perhaps it was the new job, perhaps it was the hectic school schedule or the fact that I just balloon up whenever I see or think about food. For whatever reason, this is what brings me to write this post today.

I have been doing a lot better than last time, remarkably so. I have a great support system to encourage me, keep me motivated and on track. I have this fear that, even when I lose the weight, that I may gain it all back.I mean, losing the weight isn’t hard once you consider the monumental task of trying to keep it off.Weight Watchers itself is a pretty solid plan. I used it before and it worked before, and I am using it again and its working again.

Food and I are old friends, have been since I’ve grown up. Food was used as a panacea, a care for what ails ya. Food was love in our family and my culture (Mexican/Filipino hybrid, remember). I remember growing up being the big fat kid out of all the skinny short ones, kinda like the girl who developed breasts before all the other girls did, except I could never make a career dancing for tips out of a gut. Becoming an adult was a mixed bag, as I went into the gay dating scene, I was surrounded by twinkish men (some of who were my friends and friends of friends), making me feel like I did back in elementary through high school.

It was an incident back in 2009 that made me change my habits. I went a little overboard on some cookies during an Oscar party, and for some reason, I felt very dizzy. My mom checked my blood sugar, it was High, like really high. I didn’t want to feel like that ever again, so I went to my doctor that week and was tested for pre-diabetes. Sure enough, at the time I was one of the 25% of the total US population who are considered pre-diabetic. I changed my habits for the better…or at least I did. I kinda drifted along the whole weight loss and diet thing until this year, when I decided that I had had enough of being the fat, akward person in a sea of attractive gay men in the middle of the San Francisco Bay Area. It was also another health scare that pushed me over the edge, but this time from my mother, who has type 2 diabetes. To this day, I do my best to take care of myself, seeing as I will be 30 in December, and I want to enter my 30’s a lot more healthier.

What I am afraid of is those old habits, since they have a nasty thing about dying very hard. I often worry about what will be the thing that makes me fall off the wagon for good and keep me off of it. I sometimes wonder what life will be like afterwards, but in the end, I arrive to the conclusion that I am not losing weight so much as changing habits on a lifelong journey that will only end when I am in a pine box six feet underground; and that all habits, once made a part of your daily life, are hard to break without effort and focus.

Thanks for reading folks, I apologize if it sounds like I’ve rambled on a bit, but I appreciate your time. Feedback is always welcome too. Thanks again