Welcome to Singleton – Population: Me

by quebecalexander

Hey folks, thanks for coming over to check this out.

So, many of you have noticed that over the past few days, I have been moping about being single. There’s been a combination of events that have taken place over the past few days in my life that have reminded me of just how my dating life seems so futile.

  1.  A wedding anniversary – My grandparents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this July. I am helping my grandmother plan the event as best as I can. I have to admit that, despite their occasional bickering and arguing over who ruined what and yada yada, I am inspired by them to have the kind of marriage they have at some point in my life, Of course, when that will be is uncertain at this time
  2. Same sex marriage laws – As you may or may not be well aware, several states and a few countries have passed laws allowing for members of the same sex to get married. On the record, California cannot allow same sex couples to be legally married, but I am confident that will change within the next few years. The momentum gathering from the pro-same sex marriage movement seems to grow larger by the day. I am sure I will be able to get married to another man within my lifetime
  3. My Ex – Reason #3 is the big one. On Sunday, my ex, who I have not seen in years, came by my workplace and chatted with me for a bit. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous; I mean, this was the very first guy I dated in my life. There have been no other Ex-boyfriends after this one and so, he’s very special to me. We chatted about life, work and yada yada until I decided, against my better judgement, to ask him if he was still with that one guy I used to see him with that wasn’t me, he was.

That was one of the hardest pills to swallow, he was getting married, or at least, he was planning to. Sure, we didn’t spend a lot of time together, nor did we ever get past the 3 month mark, but for some reason, I felt a pang of jealousy and self loathing come over me. I couldn’t believe that so much time had passed that he was getting ready to settle down and that I was barely just figuring out my life. If I wasn’t crying on the outside, I sure as hell was on the inside.

Here’s the kicker though, he asked me if I might come to their wedding.

W…T…F?

It feel’s very awkward for me to be at the wedding of some guy I’ve been close to, but at the same time, he’s been very nice to me. I have no idea what I will do here, but I have no choice but to cross that bridge when I get there.

For the rest of the day, I felt kinda weak, like I had the wind taken out of me. I didn’t want to be happy, I just wanted to be miserable and lonely, reminded constantly that the world can move on, but not I. I have accepted professional failure and personal failure, but romantic failure, that’s a tough one. It’s hard living a life when you feel that no one wants you, that you have to keep trying to find the one when it seems that everyone around you has already found someone that finds them special.

I’ve been doing my best to pull forward, reminding myself that my time will (hopefully) come. I’ve also done my best to exercise and take care of myself, seeing myself as an attractive person hopefully will do wonders for my dating life.

I thank you reader for taking the time to read this, be sure to leave a comment for me and let me know what you think

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